Monday, July 13, 2009

In Preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse

We slipped on our boots, zipped up our vests, loaded our clips, and prepared for battle.

Two groups: Spec Ops v. S.W.A.T.

We fired our AK47s and MP5s at one another, inducing 400+ fps stings in each other's skin. Hours of all-out, close quarters, urban tactical assault. Why, you ask? Why shoot plastic bb's at each other in the wee hours of the night until the sun rises to signal battle's end? Because, there is a day, rest assured, one little square on that calendar of yours, that marks the day, Z-Day. And with a single phone call, and two simple words: "It's on!" We'll gear up, lock and load, and pump round after round into the skulls of the walking dead.

"Unthinkable," you say. "Impossible, stupid, juvenile," you say...or at least you hope. Read this:

Brain Parasites, neurotoxins, the rage virus, neurogenesis, nanobots. It's coming, just you wait. THE END IS EXTREMELY FUCKING NIGH!

And we, we will be humanity's last line of defense against the zombie hordes.

And remember kids:

1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don't need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

1 comment:

  1. I'm thoroughly enjoying this journal. Especially this entry!

    I'm excited for the damn zombie apocalypse to come.